and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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