she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
