i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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