before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
