I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
