jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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