Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
