Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
