Barsexuality is the new black.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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