After last night, I could never be a politician.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
