what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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