1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
