can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My liver just had a heart attack.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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