69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
