Me. At least after what I've been through.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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