My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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