If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You were trust falling into bushes
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Holy shit dude........stairs
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