Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
