You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
