Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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