the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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