i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I need a beard to bite.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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