He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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