Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
