Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
