Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
