If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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