this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
