for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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