Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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