yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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