dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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