I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
