is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
