What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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