I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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