Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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