is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
