I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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