they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
