i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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