According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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