we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
