If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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