i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
