Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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