Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
