These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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