What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
