Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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