just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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