What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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